A snippet of my book!

Chapter 13 rising exteriorly - diminishing interiorly 

With having no job at 18 and enough money to live like a king for the next 10 years or so I was getting a bit bored at times, I had a lot of time on my hands, there was only so much wheeling and dealing I could do. 

One of my new contraband customers who I'll call Butler as in later years we developed a really close relationship and he was like my own personal Butler, he was a wee small older man that done everything for me, no one had my back more than this wee man, sadly he is no longer with us but you'll hear lots more about him in the rest of the stories, one of lifes true gentlemen. 

I was put in touch with Butler by another guy and the first time we met he bought a very large amount of contraband from me and paid me cash up front, he was one of the first to do this and he said to me if you keep getting that at them prices I'll take this every week. 

The amount I was making of this one wee man was enough to live on, I developed a connection with him right away, he was a small humble and very friendly old man, well he seemed really old to me back then as I was only 18 but he was probably about 50 or so.

But I remember walking away after our first deal thinking whats that wee man up too, he never seemed like the type of guy who would be knocking out this sort of contraband and certainly not that amount, never judge a book by the cover, this wee man was a player alright!

Butler had worked as an Indian delivery driver and over time I  used to call down and see him regularly, doing deals and having a few beer and a couple of spliffs with him, he was becoming a real good friend of mine and I started to get the taste for Indian food which I still love today, eat Indians about 3-4 times a week. 

But I knew what Butler was at running around delivering Indian food, it was a smoother for selling his contraband, he was a shrewd wee man. 

I then got to know the owner of the restaurant pretty well as I was spending a fortune in there most nights and then he offered me a job delivering, I thought sure why not, I seen what Butler was doing and thought I could do the same, so I took the guy up on his job offer and started delivering Indian curries. 

Many nights when I had to settle the bill for the deliveries most times I owed the restaurant owner as I was none stop eating food, drinking beer and having coffees and I always had my girlfriend with me too so it was like a party at times for us, the owner was scratching his head at times. 

He wasn't long catching on what I was up too as on many occasions he would have seen me with bags with thousands of pounds in it and every now and again he would see the contraband too but he was ok with it. 

In later years he wanted in on the action himself and we got up too all sorts. 

But it ended up he sacked me, I was in disbelief, you see what I done on a few occasions was some of the deliveries that I couldn't find I brought them back and bought them off him and ate it myself, one delivery was for in the hospital and I had to run around wards looking for a doctor, I thought f**k this and brought the delivery back, got a plate and dished it out and give the owner the price of the delivery, he was like you cant do this, please please he would say, this doctor needs his curry, well I'm not going running up there again I would say. 

This happened a few times, I was 18 and on steroids, think I may have been very moody at times but he sacked me in the most humble of ways and said please please still come down here and do your business, he knew I was flat out selling everything out his back door, it wasnt just contraband I was selling, it was all my delboy dads dodgy goods which all them Indians love a good bargain. 

So this little back street Indian restaurant was about to become me and Butlers head office, we had our own bar in the basement and every night I met Butler at 6pm and he had a beer and a spliff sitting waiting on me. 

I never really drank much before this, I was always into my health and fitness but slowly when I look back the demon was slowly beginning to control me, with money and power comes demons, I had all the money in the world back then, me and my girlfriend would have stayed in the Europa hotel in Belfast which is the best hotel in the city and also the most bombed hotel in the world, dont know how many times the IRA blew it up but its survived alot, pretty explosive hotel it is!

We would have stayed there a few times a week and in some cases nearly every night at times, we got to know the night manager on a personal basis.

People link addiction to trauma and in later years when I was a mess with addictions people would say childhood trauma is the cause, I look back over my life and for me it was habitual, I never became an alcoholic overnight, it was something that took years of practice, society normalises and glorifies living the high life which entails drinking and extravagant lifestyles.

I made that much money when I was younger and one nights drinking become 2 and then 3 because I could afford this and slowly over years I became I full time piss head alcoholic and drug addict.

Then society puts the problem right back at you, you've got a disease, you've suffered trauma and you need to abuse yourself, its all your fault really!

Never mind how society glorifies drinking, how the media promote what a so called good time is when young which is going to festivals and getting pissed, someones dies, get a drink, wedding, get a drink, times of happiness get a drink, times of sorrow get a drink, its all manufactured if you ask me, a form of control, when the British took over the world they brought alcohol with them, says it all really and then Stalin,  didnt he make sure everyone had vodka before anything else!

At the age of 18 I was slowly becoming a victim of the rat race, Mara the temper as they call it in Buddhism was getting his claws deep in my soul, the way of our world is at the hands of Mara, one massive delusional trap with one purpose only if you ask me, to prevent us from finding out what we truly are, it really is earth school down here and Mara is our teacher.

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